Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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