being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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