She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
