My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
