I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
