Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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