Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
