it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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