I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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