I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
