Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
