who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
