but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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