dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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