OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
