he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
