I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
