Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
