I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
