In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
