I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i came on her dog
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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