I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
