everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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