a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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