If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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