you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
