Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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