Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
