I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
