really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
