good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
