Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Randomize
