So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
either way he was missing a nipple.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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