I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
