Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
