he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
