Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
