I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
