dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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