i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
