FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
