i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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