Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
