So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
