Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
