Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
