walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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