My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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