Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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