The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
